Obviously, this idealised nerd girl does not actually exist, in the same way the gorgeous preppy bimbo and the bad-ass femme fatale do not exist. Being called a nerd makes me uncomfortable, and I have feeling that this is at least partially Hollywood’s fault. Sometimes I worry that when a guy hears me talking about something nerdy, he starts to tune out my actual opinions on the subject and instead concentrates on – as a friend of mine so succinctly put it – “Great! We can play Xbox and then we can bang! She’s perfect!” I worry that the nerdy girl has become a new stereotype of femininity, a new category of wish-fulfilment that has no bearing on reality. If this is the case, the advantages of being a female nerd are just as shallow and decorative as those created by a short skirt and smoky eye make-up.
- 23rd October
- 11th August
I hate the notion that as soon as I have any feelings at all for someone, or want my needs to be met and want be respected as a human being, that it automatically means I’m clingy, crazy, wanting a ‘relationship’ (a word I define very loosely, FYI), wanting ‘foreverz and rings and wedding dresses’, or that I’m being ‘just like all the other girls’. Seriously, stereotypes can just fuck right off.
If I want to go against traditional relationships, if I want to create my own relationship styles and maps and keep everyone involved informed, if I want to communicate like a fucking boss and have consensual, non-monogamous relationships, then I’ll bloody well do it.
And if you think for one minute that communication means a lack of spontaneity, a lack of fun or an increase of clingy, then you’re incredibly misguided. Communication, laying out the ground rules, what you want, how your needs can be met, etc means you take miscommunication, potential heart ache, and misinterpretation out of the equation. How the fuck is that a bad thing?!
- 26th July
- 4th May
So when The Ethical Slut finally landed on my bookshelf, I felt vindicated. I could finally dump the learned shame of enjoying sex. I’ve seen people do way worse to others and never get labeled with such a harsh word originally meant to inflict a serious sting. So to hell with those who thought I was a bad person for enjoying sex, who thought I was less deserving of respect.
Having been a confident slut for sometime, this January the word was slung out again as an epithet, but this time it wasn’t by a high school kid. It was by someone who demands respect by way of authority. Someone who’s charged with a person’s safety. Someone who should know better. So when I read the quote in the Excal, “don’t dress like a slut…”, I could almost hear the blame dripping from the word.
It angered me to think that while I managed to learn about healthy sexuality in my adulthood, why hadn’t this person done the same? Who was he to insult people in such a way? I knew that he hadn’t read the Ethical Slut. I knew that he wasn’t using the word in a positive light, as many do these days. He used it as a slur, and it was laced with ideas that some people don’t deserve respect. Sure, he may not think that sluts deserve to get raped, but he didn’t launch a conversation that day about sexuality and language. He continued to perpetuate a stereotype.From Being a slut and getting pissed off by Sonya JF Barnett, SlutWalk Co-Founder.