- 15th January
- 4th September
Transgender people, the majority of whom have never had problems voting in the past, may now lose their right to vote due to dozens of new voter suppression laws. Over 25,000 transgender people could have their voting rights taken away. In response to these dubious new laws, we have released two resources to help transgender people reclaim their voting rights.
Definitely take a look at this website if you’re eligible to vote this upcoming election! It’s extremely important, considering that Romney will literally try to take away our basic human and legal rights. Spread this around as well so your trans* followers can see it.
- 4th September
- 24th August
Telling people your preferred pronouns can be really fucking difficult. They often have bad reactions, tell you it’s too difficult, or get defensive when you call them out. When someone tells me my preferred pronouns are too difficult or tricky or that they just can’t think of me like that, it kind of pisses me off. Because, you know, the fact I wake up in the morning and hate certain parts of my body isn’t ‘difficult’, and negotiating conversations around trans* awareness isn’t ‘tricky’. Oh wait, except that it is. Except that my pronouns aren’t about you, they’re about me.
Some times I don’t want to agitate or educate, and I just want to be silent and not call people out. I feel like it’s too hard, not worth it, or that I’m just asking too much. Like I’m too ahead of my time: my city and the people I meet aren’t ready for this radical trans* stuff, and that I should just give up. I start to doubt myself and doubt whether or not this is even worth it. Should I question my gender or should I just leave it as is: be read as female, be touched as female, be considered female in all respects?
A friend of mine once told me that they like it when someone uses their preferred pronouns, but they don’t get too concerned when someone doesn’t. They are happy about the former, neutral about the latter. At first I thought this was setting the bar a bit low, but then I realised that this thought process is empowering and liberating. It comes across to me as: my gender is not about you. My gender is not dictated by your misgendering, which is not to say it doesn’t impact on me and give me feelings, but it doesn’t tell me how I view myself. And your misgendering shouldn’t have to take up any more energy or be allocated any more fucks than is absolutely necessary.
I think at the end of the day it’s up to you how you approach your pronouns, whether you call people out, whether you take a more chilled approach, yet I’m still not sure where I’m at with that. The one thing I won’t do is apologise. I won’t tell you I’m sorry about my preferred pronouns or my gender, my fluidity and my right to change my mind, I won’t tell you that I’m sorry I’m forcing all this on you, and I won’t spend hours wondering if you hate me because of it. Because you know what? I don’t have the time and energy for that shit. I have the time to choose my outfits in the morning and look all fierce, I have time to read Facebook and call people out on their rape apologist bullshit, I have time to do my laundry and read a book, but I don’t have time to (nor should I have to) apologise for being me.
- 31st July
I have changed my pronouns before and this is the advice I like to give people when they ask how to handle it. I get that it can be difficult, especially if you’ve known someone for years before they made this change. Here are some things to remember.
1. It ain’t about you. Yes, it’s a little uncomfortable the first few times you try to remember their pronouns (and in some cases, their current name). But YOUR discomfort about remembering something does not trump their dysphoria about being misgendered. Once you realize that it ain’t about you, it gets easier to remember. After all, this is someone you respect. So show it.
2. Ask when it’s appropriate to use their pronouns. Some people don’t use their pronouns everywhere because of safety concerns. Some people aren’t out to everyone. And some folks are fluid in relation to their pronouns. It isn’t your place to judge. If it’s okay with the person, you might consider completely dropping pronoun usage, especially in unsafe environments. Meaning, instead of s/he (or whatever else their pronoun is), just use their name. I find that makes the transition a little smoother.
3. Yes. You will need to think a second longer before you speak until it becomes second nature. In my cellphone, if someone changes their name or pronouns, I place a reminder next to their name. So for about a month is says Current Name/Previous Name (Pronoun). Example: Sally/Andrew (she). That way if I see a new number called Sally in my phone I’m not like, “Who the fuck is this?” After a while, I remember without the reminder and then I delete it. Same with screennames and such. I’ve used rhyming words to help remember things. There are lots of mental tricks to help. Do whatever you gotta do. But when you talk TO them or ABOUT them or in RELATION to them… use the correct words. I’m notoriously HORRIBLE at remembering things so I tell people upfront. “Just so you know, I will do my very best to respect you and call you by your correct name/pronouns. I might fuck up because I am forgetful but PLEASE call me on it and I’ll make sure it doesn’t continue.” Not once has anyone been anything other than appreciative because everyone likes to feel respected.
4. WHEN (not if because if you do this long enough, you WILL) you misgender someone, APOLOGIZE. Don’t make it a huge deal. Simply, “I’m sorry.” I like to use someone’s name when I apologize because it sounds more sincere and it’s a reminder for myself as well. Use the correct pronoun (or name) and move one. Making a big deal of it to look super progressive actually makes you look like an ass. And if you’re really sorry, it shouldn’t keep happening.
That’s pretty much it. And yes, you have to use their pronoun and/or name even when they aren’t around. Saying shit like, “You know Andrew, right?” when you are talking about Sally is fucked up. Something like, “You know Sally, right?” Then describe the person. And if someone else misgenders them (and it’s someone who should know better) correct them. If not, you are co-signing their disrespectful bullshit and that’s not cool.
Over and out.
- 19th June
- 23rd April
Obviously, this is an incomplete list.
- Significant Other/SO
- Cuddle buddy
- Soul mate
[name]friend strikes me as really adorable. I wanna be someone’s Raefriend. omg.
Reblogging myself because dreams coming true.
^THIS. Been trying to think up similar words myself for ages but have never found a list. <3
- 7th April
cissexism : The assumption that a cis person’s gender is more authentic, natural or desirable than a trans person’s gender; the belief that a person’s assigned-at-birth gender is always their real gender. For example: treating a trans woman as “really a man.”
transphobia : A prejudiced or bigoted hatred of trans people or anyone who violates gender norms; the institutional system resulting from this bias. Cis people can also experience gender policing and gender-based violence.
binarism : The belief that there are only two genders; the erasure of non-binary people. Connected to cissexism, but distinct. (Some trans women and men can be very binarist!)
cissexualism : The belief that transsexual body modification is wrong, unnatural or “gross.” Even some trans folks can be guilty of this. I’m not sure what the opposite (morally condemning a trans people who does not medically-transition) would be called, but it exists too!
trans-misogyny : The hatred of trans women; the fear of femininity/femaleness when expressed by MAAB people. For example: when someone makes fun of a MAAB person for wearing a purse, it is both transphobic and misogynistic.
cis privilege : Never having to face discrimination or violence because your gender varies from what you were assigned-at-birth. For example: cis people are not required to provide proof in order to have their documents display their correct gender. Thus (if they are documented citizens), they are able to enter bars, sign up for a bank account, cross borders, and apply for jobs without worrying about transphobic harassment.
passing privilege : The temporary privilege that some trans people are able to receive if the people around them assume they are cis. Some trans folks have this more than others, and it plays a big role in who faces the greatest levels of violence and discrimination. (Note: It is transphobic to imply that a trans woman is “passing as a woman.” She is a woman… what you probably mean to say is that she is “passing as a cis woman.”)
cis-centrism or cis-supremacy : The social system that ensures cis people have privilege and power over trans people by perpetuating cissexist beliefs. For example: When cis doctors, psychiatrists, feminists, politicians, lawyers, queer theorists and religious leaders define what a trans person is or is not.
gender self-determination : The ability to figure out who we are and what makes us comfortable, and to make autonomous decisions about our bodies, without facing criminalization, discrimination, degradation, poverty or violence.
trans liberation : The movement to collectively improve the living conditions of people who are marginalized by cis-centrism and create a world in which gender self-determination is true for everyone.
from the distant panic blog:
- 1st January
- 14th August